Spiritual Miracles In a Dog's Ass

Went to my first Atheist meetup group last night at a bar in the Loop.
Beforehand I stopped off for Free Tuesdays at the Museum of Contemporary Art which is about a three iron from the Hancock Building. It was snowing big flakes as i walked the eight blocks from the El stop. Got inspired at the MCA after seeing some Calder work and also a group show of a bunch of Italians. After the museum I felt the need to prove I was a tough guy and walked to the bar in the Loop (1.7 miles) instead of taking the El . At this point it was coming down pretty good and the wind along Michigan Avenue was whipping things up nicely. At one point, outside the Tribune building alongside the river, I actually had to stop and turn my back to the wind, just to take a break from it all for a moment. The Windy City. Sheesh.
Anyway, I met some good like minded folks at the bar and was shown a nice photo online I thought I'd share.

I'm THAT good

I generally don't talk about how damn good i am but I just have to say . . . I've only been in town for three weeks and already I've gotten Oprah to leave town.

You're Welcome, Chicago.

After Antichrist

Another cry for help
from the sad little dutch boy.

After watching Lars von Trier's latest film Antichrist yesterday I would like to say how thankful I am. Thankful for a lot of things. I'm newly arrived in a robust and alive city. I have a beautiful girlfriend to share my life with here. I've had a reasonable amount of success in my life and I fully expect that to continue and grow. My health is pretty damn good, knock on wood.
I'd like to mention that the couple in Antichrist make George & Martha from Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf look like Dick Van Dyke and Julie Andrews in Mary Poppins.
But this movie also reminded me of the simple things in life. I am thankful my penis is still attached to my body. :-) I'm thankful my girlfriend has never cut her own clitoris off with some rusty work scissors. I'm thankful that same girlfriend has never drilled a hole in my leg and then fastened the rod of a 30 pound sharpening stone through the hole to keep me from getting away. (But then we've only just moved in together last week.)
But the thing I am most thankful for is . . .
I am not Lars von Trier.

Seemless Universe, 60640

Hello Dear Readers I am now writing from the city of Chicago. Where I live now. Maybe you've heard of it. It's a big city on a big lake. If you live here and are hiring please contact me via this site. I am a good worker and have a lot to offer. Trust me. I'm not looking for a handout Mister, just a hand.
More later from this kick ass city in the coming weeks.

http://www.wordle.net

this is a fun site!





www.wordle.net

undeserving folks

I took this photo many years ago in my hometown of Elgin, IL.
I think it sums up the church nicely, don't you?

Superstitious

This morning I was looking through some old books and came across one I hadn't perused in quite awhile. Encyclopaedia of Superstitions. An old library book on British superstitions I picked up cheap a few years back .
Now I am not a superstitious person myself. Although I do have one superstition I have made up and it seems to work. It's a simple one. If I see a dog wearing one of those Elizabethan collar things, It's going to be a good day. However, if I see a SECOND dog wearing one it's going to be a bad day. Years ago while living in San Francisco I was having a great day and saw one of those collars on a pooch and it just took off from there. But back to the book. There's some pretty good ones in there...


It is unlucky to pare one's nails on a Friday.

A person born on Christmas Day will never be hanged.

Moss growing upon a human skull, if dried and powdered and taken as snuff, will cure the headache.

Bad luck will follow any fisherman who mentions the word rabbit.

For sore eyes bathe with rain water gathered on Ascension Day.

you get the idea. These are actually in the book! but they missed a few . . .


Prosperity comes to those who throw a pig over a fence on an overcast Wednesday.

To cure gout, pick the scab of a stranger wearing a hat .

Attending an amateur dance recital is bad luck.

If you see a midget eating link sausage you will get a promotion.

Rubbing the head of a Jew counterclockwise will cause neighboring villagers to go deaf.

To cure rickets punch a matador in the pancreas.

Rubbing your vagina during a theatrical play will give the lead actress mumps.

If you want an abundant harvest in the autumn throw a Texan in front of a bus in July.

A red headed hitchhiker is the sign of an early spring.

A clown in the rain is a sign your headmistress might be up for it.

Believing vague stories of past misfortunes and how they were remedied will make you superstitious. On a Friday.

If a priest gives you the wrong directions to the circus you'll die at sea.

Outer Space Fact # 37

The thing about flying past a black hole
is ya gotta remember to go WAY around it.

frank's out today

(click on Roman to enlarge)


So yesterday morning I see the Polanski headline on the NYTimes.com. But when I clicked on it there was no real story yet. Just these notes someone mistakenly published (between the Zurich and NY office of the times? maybe) I dunno.
I think if Frank was in the office then this probably wouldn't have gone out online. Somebody's got some explaining to do. Probably to Frank.
Now to the story . . .
Really?! Are we going after Polanski when he shows up at a film festival in Zurich? wtf? All sorts of theories but as the Times quoted today "the United States have strongly denied any link between Mr. Polanski’s arrest and recent high-level negotiations on providing the Internal Revenue Service with the Swiss account details of suspected American tax evaders."
When the U.S. strongly denies anything, that's probably as good a place to start as any.

A Biggish Purge

It's good sometimes to take a piece (or pieces) of your past, put them into cardboard boxes and sell them to an aging hippie at a used record store. It sorta clears out the system. And in this technological age of iTunes and ePhones and O rings and Frankenberries it's quite easy to keep yourself musically happy without ever once changing a needle. That said I still have my turntable and I gave myself a limit of 60 albums I would keep. for instance these 7 . .



Here's 7 of the 280 I sold. . . .







now i wonder how many of you will write in the comment box things like "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SOLD YOUR WORKINGMANS DEAD!" or somesuch. And i say that's part of the beauty of the big purge.
OK who can guess how much money I got for approximately 275 LP's ? i ask you .. .
if anybody guesses correctly they win a special secret prize which will be delivered to their home via the U.S. Postal Service. maybe. ya never know with those guys.

t's ootball eason !

In deference to this new photo at the top i might as well mention it's football season.

Living in Minnesota you can imagine what name pops up in conversation these days.
This is a name that one of my friends said if he hears one more time he's going on a shooting rampage. But he has a bit of an anger problem anyway and likes it like that.
The last time he threatened a rampage had something to do with someone knocking on his door or somesuch. I won't name names . .let's just call him Quinn.
where was I ?
oh yeah . . . .Brett Favre. (Take THAT Quinn ! all you folks in south mpls - lock your doors.)
Whatever, it's cute to see all the MN Vikings fans getting excited for another losing year for them. But ya know, this isn't really a football blog so I'll just say this ..
the photo at the top you may think is a guy stiff arming another guy on the football field. But in reality it's two guys that are just in to some weird shit. Their odd way of playing peek a boo. Maybe.
Or just old fashioned Hand Sniffers.

this 21st century

When asked who their favorite photographer is, 78% of Americans said:
Ashton Kutcher. 87% of US citizens under the age of forty now have friends that they've never been in the same room with. 56% of those people have never heard a busy signal. 27% of the people on this blog right now are just pretending to read it. 48% of bloggers couldn't care less. 82% of this blog post was added after the fact. 32% of statements using percentages are completely false. 64.1% of the letters in this sentence are consonants. And 14% of you will count the letters in the previous sentence to see if that is correct. As it should be.

Sheesh . . just post SOMETHING!!

yeah it's been way too long since i posted anything. Have been going through a lot of my stuff here - found an old journal this afternoon and here's some randomness from it . . .


What is the first known border?

if you ask someone what they did today and they start with
"I got up" .
When "i got up" counts as a thing you did today, you may not have seized it, daywise, as they say.

Are you more daywise or nightwise?

good questions for psychological test --start easy
Are you more cat or dog?
tree or sky?
by the end of the test. . . .
Are you more cerbellum mushroom or wingnut bus route?

Jesus comes back
as a Playboy bunny
named Christy.

Her turn-ons are
hot tubs and the rapture.

can there be an us without a them?


Character names taken from Illinois counties/cities -

Montgomery Chattsworth

Pearl Ogelthorpe

Wilder Kane

Grace Canyon

Emmett Shell

Wisconsin . . .


Gordon Covena

Daisy Hazelhurst

Gibson Leslie

Lula Newton

Lamar Funston

Avalon Babcock

Flovilla Americus

Arizona . . .

Somerton Winslow

Jerome Globe

Flagstaff Wilcox

Winkelman Bisbee

--

Be silly and dirty and fantastic and poetic and ferocious and childlike and animal and mineral and sweaty and glasses and poetic again and candles and extra credit points.

Questions Of The Future . . .
How many light years a gallon does that baby get?

Love - it's strong AND fragile.

Art/weatherman who predicts the artistic movements
coming through the tri state area . .
Scattered surrealism with a chance of fluxus overnight. . . .

"Remember last October we had that unseasonable Dada?
It rained cats and dogs. Literally."

" . . .the first big bacon show . . . ." *

*some guy on charlie rose

Joseph Campbell-ize the ending fer christsake!

planning spontaneity

Good name for a gated community . . .
Monetary Heights

Giving art the business

Today's Scores

Cubs 4
Brewers 1

Phillies 7
William & Mary 3

Werner Klemperer 4
influenza 2

box seats 5
male urinary symptoms 2

German Shepherds 4
Chinese Checkers 1

girl scout cookies 6
the magic bullet 1

rush hour 1
meandering 9

your blog 2
my blog 3

waning moons 6
waxing nostalgic 2

hunting 3
wandering through the meat packing district 5

Tim Lincecum 5
Wild Thing 2

making something with your hands 8
twittering 1

safe 5
out 1

nasal spray 8
crime sprees 5

Oswald 2
what Flipper thought about between takes 4

dinner 4
supper 7

silent auctions 2
loud shirts 7

their mental capacity 2
your crazy bone 9

Facebook 1
books 14

quiet contemplation 7
Christianity 1

the Cub's chances 2
symbolism in The Brady Bunch 8

Jeff Beck 11
Jimmy Fallon 0

Why does my computer suck donkey dicks so much lately?

and that's just kinda a rhetorical question.
But first off in keeping with the political correctness and niceness that is seemless universe i have to here now state publicly that I in no way have any disregard for donkey dicks in general. Hell, some of my best friends are donkey dicks. (CUT TO: my friends reading this line (right now!) and wondering if they are in fact, donkey dicks) (Of course I wasn't talking about YOU, [insert your name here]!).
What I'm saying is i have nothing against donkey dicks. really. Unless one is dating my daughter in which case I'd say something like, "I HAVE A DAUGHTER??!!" But then i would calm down and get down to the facts at hand which are: No daughter of mine is dating a donkey dick. And the second fact is: I sincerely and truly just wanted to write a post about how bad my computer is running these days and I keep getting sidetracked with donkey dick references. Damn!!! See??!! But the third fact is: once you go down the donkey dick reference road it is hard to get off. this is true. The fourth fact is my computer sucks donkey dicks lately.
and it's because of . .no not that.
It's because i Upgrayd'd.
mac 10.5.6 or somesuch shit. a month ago i upgraded (misnomer) to this operating system and now most of the good software i used works like shit. (SEE: donkeys dicks/ suck).
Here's some details
Photoshop won't even open. This is a software I use ALOT. But sadly if you don't keep upgrading along the way ultimately it just becomes obsolete. (much like my tv signal in the coming weeks but that's for another blog post - Look soon for the exciting post on watching tv with the new improved dtv converter box. No more annoying snow!! Now we just get even more annoying pixelly drop outs and freeze frames!! Perfect for watching an exciting French Open tennis match like the one last weekend)
anyway . . .where was I? Oh yeah, my computer sucks donkey . . .well.. you know whats.
Sooo . . . Photoshop is closed now.
Final Cut Pro doesn't like me capturing video any longer than 6 seconds in duration before it starts acting like a colicky baby and my sound recorder won't even communicate with my computer. So yeah.
It seems my only solution is to invent and then buy the new Apple iQuit and go make art with paper and scissors and glue and stuff.
And donkey dicks.

Don't cry!

Here's a picture of your blogger trying to come up with something to write and hitting a wall. It's been that way of late. No apologies though.
In reality this was taken by my father moments after he put me on one of these springy rocking horses which i did not like so much. It's good to know he had the sense to snap this photo instead of consoling me.
Dads. Ya gotta love 'em.

Happy Easter

Whatever that means to ya . . .

Back from Hawai'i (more or less)

OK I'm trying my best to get back in the swing of life here in Minneapolis after a week of hanging on the island with great friends. But i have to admit 80 degree temps are more to my liking in March than what we got here. (33 at present.)
Below is a shot of my friend Tom i took with a cheap underwater camera I bought at Walgreens before the trip. There was a little cove at our resort where you could swim with sting rays 'n some other fish of color. Bright colors.

Damn turtles everywhere.

Best of the Seemless Universe (or so I think)

Is This a Test?


Please answer to the best of your ability.

1. Which of the following best describes your feelings about this first question?

c a. Confusion
c b. Annoyance
c c. Laughter
c d. Scorn


2. When taking tests regarding things and stuff, do answers come easy to you?

c a. yes
c b. no


3. When answering the previous question, if there had been a third option, 'sometimes" would you have checked that instead?

c a. yes
c b. no
c c. sometimes


4. If you were a test, which of the following would you be?

c a. Drivers
c b. I.Q.
c c. Breathalyzer
c d. Rorschach


5. Looking back, would you say your life has been:

c a. easy
c b. difficult
c c. sometimes


6. What word or phrase would best describe this question?

c a. yes
c b. no
c c. only in an emergency
c d. is this some kind of a joke?

(if you answered "D", please go to question 6a.)


6A. If this is some kind of joke, who or what is the joke 'on' ?

c a. the status quo
c b. test taking in general
c c. yourself
c d. them

(if you answered "C", please go to question 6B)


6B Oh come on! We're just having fun here, OK?

c a. OK.
c b. not OK.

(If you answered "B", go to 6c, for chrissakes)


6C. What's your fucking problem?

c a. little or no sense of humor.
c b. questionable upbringing.
c c. Republican.
c d. just not that into this kind of stuff.


7. Would you say you are more of an answer or more of a question?

c a. answer.
c b. question.


8. Would your friends say you are more of a blueprint or a haiku?

c a. blueprint
c b. haiku.

9. If your life is a baseball game, what inning are you in?

c a. 1st
c b. 2nd
c c. 3rd
c d. 4th
c e. 5th
c f. 6th
c g. 7th
c h. 8th
c i. 9th
c j. extra innings
c k. one out in the bottom of the fifth, with the score tied. men on first and third and Derek Lee up.
c l. I'm more into football.


10. Would you rather have pizza or sex?

c a. pizza.
c b. sex.
c c. sometimes.
c d. I'm more into football.


11. Is this test almost over?

c a. yes

-------------------------------------

Todays Scores

Cubs 7
Pirates 3

Snoop Dog 8
Winston Churchill 5

Sandy Koufax 5
The Periodic Table 7

Joan Baez 3
anal thermometers 8

Kentucky Derby 7
Skywalker Ranch 9

Nikola Tesla 11
Thomas Edison's soiled diapers 1

papercuts 3
Doris Day 8

congruent angles 4
Rasputin 11

Jack Lemmon's performance in Good Neighbor Sam 11
Grateful Dead lyrics 13

good friends 7
everything else 1

Bedford-Stuyvesant 6
Electric Light Orchestra 2

Denmark 7
persistence of vision 5

facing death 8
indoor plumbing 6

Sigourney Weaver 5
cartoon penguins 3

why you're still reading this 7
George Clooney's worst day 4

the whole idea of it all 5
shade 9

The Rapture 11
Spaghettio's 2

puppies 12
vehicular manslaughter 3

Man Ray 20
trousers 11

Western Civilization 5
Handi Wipes 2

----------------------------------------------------

Church of the Holy Coincidence.

I haven’t written too much on my ideas on religion and god but it's about time to let 'em out. The planet's been hijacked by ignorance and mythology and there really is no end in sight.
The following are some random thoughts from the journals:

Like an old hound dog religion has treed us. It’s all in our heads. Take a look..the dog is old, lame and blind. Climb out of the tree, stand on your own two feet and go help some others get out of those trees. It’s a start.

We change with the time. Our spirituality is too important to disregard each generations ideas. It’s the humans that are alive now that can save us. Not our dead heroes in books. It can happen in your lifetime. This is something to pray for. But not to a god. Pray to everyone living. Put your faith in the human race.

Big Bang? More like a Cosmic Ejaculation..

If religion has taught us anything it is this:

Get 'em When They’re Young.

Church of the Holy Coincidence.
No Guilt.
No Sin.
No Father/Sky god judging us.
All the old bets are off.

This planets ignorance in regards to spiritual evolution is shameful. We may be the laughing stock of the universe.

It's time for churches to start keeping the books and pay up.
Our government gives em a free pass.
Church & State - Totally in bed together.
It's time for religion to stop sucking off the tit of society.

the thing i refuse to buy into (re: religions) is they make their gods so petty. not only do they give these gods very human characteristics, but the very worst of them. Vindictive. Egomaniacal. Petty. (Notice i said "not only do they give these gods.." who can argue- we humans were the ones who came up with this grand idea of gods and later "a" god) so yes, we give our gods their traits. Lets' not fool ourselves ladies and gentlemen - it's all us.
if there is a god i can safely say he/she/it has not communicated with us. Certainly not by giving us "his rules"


Getting "over" religion will take awhile (understatement) and will be a huge human hurdle. And a great day. The Huge Human Hurdle.

8 comments:

m. f. said...

I certainly don't want in any way to be as pedantic as old man moppin', but this thing about Churches getting a free ride from the government, well, yes, that is somewhat true. But religion actually has a lot in common with art in this country. That is, the tax code in the U.S. is no more favorable to religious institutions than it is to arts organizations. The photography center where you show your work sometimes and often go to see the work of your peers doesn't have to pay taxes in much the same way as your aunt Ethel's church. The film fests that have awarded you prizes for your fabulous film doesn't have to pay taxes, just like Tom Cruise's ultraswanky religious org. In this country, by constitutional decree, the government doesn't give direct funds to any one religious org, and it doesn't give much to arts orgs either. But it helps keep such things afloat by given them both the same advantages in the tax code.
I'm not a religious guy, but I think artists should be careful of demonizing religious orgs because they pretty much have the same deal. I personally believe it's a good thing that this country's government steps back and lets people practice what forms of creative worship--whether to God or the muses--without much interference. It'd suck if it were any other way--whether no support at all, or too much support (and so an expectation of control).

January 17, 2008 12:13 AM

Coleman Miller said...

mf,
Damn. i veer off from the goofy and nonsensical just once and this is what happens? You make good points and my response to these are below.
But first I have to make a plea to you and any of my other commenters – please keep any feuds you have with friends off my blog. Even if it’s just a little innocuous(?) comment before you get the main ball rolling. I’ve seen some of these blogs and the comments - the infighting just makes me want to throw up.
If I have to get you and Mikey over here for scotch until you both hug and make up then so be it. Just give me a date.
If not, you two can keep at it..but please, not here, mf. Thank you. This is the last thing i'll say on this topic on this blog.

Now, I have to admit first and foremost my knowledge of the tax structures involving churches and arts organizations are almost null. So thanks for setting me straight on that.
The main difference I see in the Arts and Religion is this…
Art celebrates humanity. It celebrates creativity and new ideas. It evolves and makes people think. And it’s all made by humans. (for humans). And, like Religion, art compels us to have an opinion.
Ahhhh, opinions.
So now in the words of the comedian Brian Regan..”I hate to step on anybodies beliefs but, ….well….let’s get started….”
In my OPINION religion is dreck.
In my OPINION religion, through fear, makes people act good. (this isn’t on the face of it such a bad thing….way to go Religion!)
In my OPINION religions by their very nature, are full of false truths.
(No film festival director ever told me one of their judges was a big guy up in the sky. Who by the way, was also my creator and would have the final decision on where I would go when I die.)
In my OPINION anyone who tells you what happens to you when you die (and religions do this) is Full Of Shit. And because of this, when reasonable, intelligent people defend the church and its doctrines, it pisses me off. And makes me sad for the planet.
I also know firsthand - it “just feels better” to believe in God. It does. But my brain is a persnickety thing. And when all the information gets filtered through – it shakes it’s head and says “No. NO! Enough!” Saying NO to religion is a tough thing after years of being knocked upside the head by it. It’s not for the weak of will.
It’s easier to suck on the tit of religion than it is to think for yourself.
In my OPINION religion deserves to get punched in the face once in awhile, metaphorically or not.
In my OPINION religion, unlike art, disrespects humanity by continuing to patronize it.
So yeah, there’s that.
And, In my OPINION I’m 100% correct in these beliefs! How cool is THAT?!


Put your faith in the human race.
It's a tough switch but
you'll be happy you did.

-------------------------------------------------------

Today's Scores

Cubs 4
Twins 2

Ernie Kovacs 13
Stan Brakhage 1

West Aurora 3
Totie Fields 8

Lew Alcindor 5
Ornithology 1

Asians 4
Cleavon Little 8

Alexander Calder 10
mustard 2

The Spanish Inquisition 13
sporks 9

Steven Wright 11
Tuesday 5

sprocketholes 7
John Cage 8

Jerry Garcia 2
Bjorn Borg 1

Big Macs 3
pointillism 2

The Eighteenth Hole at Pebble Beach 5
Todd Farwell 9

God 2
Verbs 3

E pluribus unum 5
Youtube 1

wallpaper removal 17
Tucumcari, New Mexico 6

Professor Irwin Corey 11
your middle name 3

film 16
1963 4

what happens when you die 11
Arkansas Razorbacks 2

Elgin, Illinois 15
fake poop 6

prayer 7
Christopher Walken's dentist 3

Napoleon 9
Pia Zadora 7



---------------------------------------------------

82 Words for Splank

The eskimo language Yupik has been estimated to have approximately 24 words for snow. In keeping with this theory my apartment has 82 words or phrases for "a fucking mess". It started when i came up with the phrase for the grizzled charred pizza strands hanging from the grill inside my oven.
Pizza Scoundrels.
After coming up with this i started looking around my apartment..
Piles of stuff in corners, unfinished sculptures, stacks of crazed semi ideas, forgotten projects, it all added up. Here then is the list of small and glorious sections of disarray at TeamMiller Headquarters:

Creeping Nitch, Chelm, Art Phlegm, Whispering Squelch, Y'melmahay, Corner Thingees, Disinterpreted Norp,Resting Urk, Table of Contents, Silent Gargle, Dwellers, Interfangle, Unfinished Nerbs,Discarded Funk, Frutz, Mess Throng,
Skrulk, Big Bang, Junk Attack,Yesterdays Explosion, Balancing Frax, Murder One, Mini Scrutz, Fuckit, a Pile of Fuckit, a Lingering Pile of Fuckit, Yobobo, Curbsters/Curblings, Past History,Incarcerated Wingdings, Talminkle,
a Pile of Brakhage, Headache, Disproportionate Flink, Art Spasm, Falling Backwash,
Stacked Frangles, Leaning Twilch,Wasted Idea, Sprawling Nooch,Sculpture Burp, a Roomful of Me,
Sri Larry,Filthco, Window Squelch,Once Proud, Sliders,
Scattered Change,Trigger Happy, Meandering Filth,Cornered Fernlings, Idea Pile,Tow Jam, Hangdog Sink, the Unforgiven, Grandfathers, Latners, Scattered Froop, Kranch, Truncated Nurt, Rectangular Gruttz,Dirty Melvit, Fart Collage,Diagonal Tharch, Wandering Blutz, So Yesterday, Chankle, Standing Felch, NoOne’s Lark,
Fixated Whereabouts, Yummsters,Pile o' Shame, Frantic Laziness, Salt Lick,
Tripping Little Epiphanies, Ancient Grease, Concentrated Miller,Splank, Not Exactly Hallmark, Forgotten Schmutz, Leaning Beige,
Wall Twirch & Floor Splat.


---------------------------------------------------------------------

random entries from the current journal (Miscellaneous Various)

It's come to this . . .Corporations selling us minutes. cc captioning mistypings on tv tonight:mod rat republicans. Look at you! livin' in your white castle. In The Band Or Not In The Band? take a photo of a local band with two other people in the shot..all album covery looking. viewers job to decide . .. who is or is not in the band. Ben Gazzara the 69 Mets Man Ray. The thing about autobiographies is you can only do it on one person. a cinema on the spot...little or no graphics...probably a bad name for your graphics firm ..when your receptionist answers the phone "Little or No Graphics. How may i direct your call? " To Catch a Predator - ..these sad, F-ed up men and their lives crumbling apart in someone's kitchen. like watching a car wreck. that rabbi the best so far for my money. watching people plead...i dunno picking the right religion .. they make it all important..it's just a crapshoot..where you are born. Church of God the Verb. Think. all the religions say they are The One. if that's so then all the rest are null and void regarding the afterlife. (talk about positive spin...reruns now an "encore presentation" and death is "afterlife") God is hope repackaged. Now that we know this . .Let's just bring back hope! favorite quote from the bible to use against them : "The truth will set you free". SockRay Blue!! Shawn tonight . . . a few too many cocktails gave him a headful of thunder. words are just agreed upon. Don't Fuck with Wendy Testaburger! when your eyes are shut, you can see to infinity . Earth: Making It Up As We Go Along. each finished film is ultimately the answer. when you started it was still just a question - to play with and take on down a path of your own choosing. character name: Tao Jones. Go with God..... Just go! The Fag That Broke the Camels Back. Consciousness: the continuous situation. When your planet gets filled with martyrs . .it doesn't bode well. character in film: Rapper who has a panda bear named Bling Bling. good comedy club name: Hilarity & Sue's. No boogieman is an island.character in the story goes into a store to buy some context. good documentary idea . . .The History of Tomorrow. It's actually pretty wonderful that the universe always remains this constant mystery . .keeps us forever curious.

On Vacation

Am off to the island of Hawaii for a week with old high school friends.
See you in a week. Or so.

51 seconds of mini pong (in 3 parts)

Now that Spring has sprung (at least for today) we can get outside again without freezing our asses off. But during the Winter here in Minneapolis we are used to getting our exercise indoors. here's some footage taken at a friends house of us playing mini pong. (On a side note this is a great game to work on your tennis skills...i played doubles (indoors, of course) awhile back after playing a bunch of mini pong and my net game was AwesomE that day.
And I'm posting this because nobody "got" my oxymoronic film to the extent I intended except me. (Note to Self: Don't post videos while on Vitamin M)

Oxymoronic

I just found out this afternoon I won third place honorable mention for shortest film at the Oxymoronic Made Up Film & Video Festival in Millford, Connecticut.
Really. Trust me.

Today is spraypainted film day

Spraypainting and sprocketholes seems to be the order of the day here (of the month?)
now i'm spraying actual strips of 35mm film. always back to film it seems. although those canvas works look good (and big) these ain't too bad either. you might have to click on these to see any kind of details. dunno where these are headed but it's a direction nonetheless. The longest journey begins with a single step or something like that, right?

old post never published . . .

til now! (for good reason? i dunno gimme a break.)

when writing a today's scores post i had one that goes like this:

drawing outside the line 137
cue cards 2
this is the story of my life so far....need to even that score out more - might be more productive.
and narrative, for sure.
time will tell.

Hold Your Horses!

Sunrise lighting . .depends which way you point your lens..east or west. the west glows. the east is contrasty.

Good question for the 1970's game show, MatchGame . . .
"What would Jesus Blank?"

Astonomers, scientists, philosophers and physicists all getting together for a thinktank - after many months their paper comes out and states that the universe is almost definitely something.
After some arguments, they change this to almost certainly something.

to create a new genre of film simply look over the application form for any film festival. online applications make you click on such words as :
Experimental
Narrative
Subtitled
Black & White



make films where these aren't yes or no questions. it's a start.

Rejected working title for Our Bodies, Ourselves:

Ladies and Germs

If you attempt to reach higher
you already have.

new word for something that starts out very cool but then goes sour ~
Betty's new business was a huge success,
but then it sundanced.

Look for it all in his new book, Melancholy Olives! coming out this Fall!!

Stencils, Spraypaint & Sprocketholes

Have been spraypainting onto canvas the past couple weeks. Ed Lentsch was kind enough to give me some of his canvas scraps which happen to be the perfect size/dimensions for rendering some strips of film. Long and narrow. So I've been spraying a bunch (and breathing in a bit too, unfortunately). But I've got a few tests around here that are looking OK or so I think..

here's one (5 1/4" X 20") on canvas, stretched.
And yes, I am a Moon Child. I know, I know, not as cool as Aries but we Cancers try harder.

slapped together

This is slapped together and i make no apologies. i had some backgrounds layered and i put some titles in there. near the end one of my mattes went south - instead of 'fixing' it i just put another sound over the top of it. make it seem like it was planned. or something. boy this looks like hell online. the things that PoP! on my screen now just coalesce into a gravy of pseudo-prime colors. damn. Oh and thanks to Beethoven.

what i bought on ebay

(and why you should care)

OK I lied, the only reason I'm posting about this is so my farticle post won't be the first thing a person sees when they come to this blog. AND maybe, sorta because am thinking about starting a new subject for the future called "the photography of ebay"
for instance - nothing quite says Bach like an in ground pool backdrop.
Either way I got a new projector to pick up this weekend (it's local - i saved shipping)
and now my farticle post is further down the page where it belongs.

Who do you think you are?

Farticle

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http://online.w
sj.com%2Farticle%2FSB121460099221711769.html.


Somebody recently sent me a link to an article and although i was unable to open it I noticed in the address very plainly in the middle there is the word farticle.

What exactly IS a farticle?
well this brings to mind a story from my past where Mark Petterson was more than a little miffed one day at having to smell his older brothers farts . . .his brother 's response? "If you're smelling it then some of my fart is IN YOUR NOSE right now." Hmmm. Of course, this brings up questions regarding physiology, olfactory senses and brotherhood for sure.

So yeah . .a farticle then is that small area of your fart that resides in someone else's nose.
There you have it! So who said Seemless Universe was nothing more than the meandering thoughts of an underemployed man? Who ?!! Who said that??!!
It's fucking Educational! or F'educational.

Now sure some of you are reading this and thinking . .THIS isn't why i visit this site, damn Miller.
oh well. come back again soon and we'll demonstrate how to send e-farticles.
The technology is almost there.

Peace, Love and Sheesh,
Miller

random journal entries

Faith in the Future

Dr. Reginald Fankfinder

Through the rain, the moon waned.

the newest anti depressant - Oblivium

I,
like many before me,
have licked from the bowl of love.

The short list of characters in the film:
Enrique Persisto

Lady Cummings

Chaz Memento

Glib Meevers

Wilvelma Serene

Jack Matters

Harvey "Spittoon" Smith

Sandy Apple

Big Dick Cox

Regina Magellan

Danforth Brandle

Falling under the spell of significance

Christianity is based on a certain draining of the human spirit -
a unique kind of shame.

DICK CHENEY BEFORE HE DICKS YOU

reality show that never took off - Valedictorian Island

I think i could enjoy life more
if it wasn't so damn persistent.

Chance, SuperChance & Coincidence

The menstruation cycle of the panda
is a topic that doesn't come up so much, I've learned.

Vague Rules!

Pilltopia

Jesus & Soupy:
A cross cultural study

This Life,
This Mystery

LISTENING TO TRAFFIC IS MORE ENJOYABLE
WHEN IT'S THE BAND.

Church Of The Holy Insignificance...

but in this realization
as in
the phrase
"if everything is an emergency
than nothing is an emergency"
THEN
if everything is insignificant than nothing is insignificant.

some days you just feel like a Total Diptych


Carrying on is a thing a person can do.

The play was blown dead.

Traveling in Place:
Journals From a Mind

Christianity - Nestled in goodness since before you were born!
This myth of a judgemental God - most intelligent people grow out of it but since it's couched in "goodness" and "niceness" - lots of people hold on tight.

Kazoo is a verb, too.

SHAVE THE WHALE

Prop Letters (Example LITB #27)

I found something online recently thats kinda funny and fits into the whole seemless universe mindset (if there is one). You may have seen some vintage photographs up on the top of the blog here in the past. I've been getting these from a great site called Shorpy.
Anyway this photo was submitted by "Dave" on the Shorpy site.. It's a shot from an episode of "Leave it to Beaver". It's pretty self explanatory.


Mr. Ward Cleaver
485 Mapleton Drive
Mayfield, State

My Dear Mr. Cleaver:

This paragraph has absolutely nothing to do with anything.
It is here merely to fill up space. Still, it is words,
rather than repeated letters, since the latter might not
give the proper appearance, namely, that of an actual note.

For that matter, all of this is nonsense, and the only
part of this that is to be read is the last paragraph,
which part is the inspired creation of the producers of
this very fine series.

Another paragraph of stuff. Now is the time for all good
men to come to the aid of their party. The quick brown
fox jumped over the lazy dog. My typing is lousy, but the
typewriter isn’t so hot either. After all, why should I
take the blame for these mechanical imperfections, with
which all of us must contend. Lew Burdette just hit a
home run and Milwaukee leads seven to one in the series.
This is the last line of the filler material of the note.
No, my mistake, that was only the next to last. This is last.

I hope you can find a suitable explanation for Theodore’s
unusual conduct.

Yours truly,

Cornelia Rayburn

This guy "Dave" even went so far as to date the letter October 2, 1958 as that was the day Lew Burdette homered in the World Series between the Yankees and the Braves - one month before this episode aired.

Books & Exactos

Have been cutting into the old books tonight - these hardback covers make nice canvaseses!

Got a bunch of 'em over here but have just scanned this trio. Dunno why i got into the night sky mode but what the hell.

1.20.09 - Hail To The New Guy

After that, Arnold walked backwards toward Sacramento.

A trickster always will
bedevil the scenario.

Another time around Wednesday, Buford trimmed Samantha.

All this attitude
was beginning
to smell.

And there's a whistle before the snap!

Act tender and wonder beliefs
that shine.

And then a white boy took shit.
Apparently the assembled
went back to Scranton.

Aries tugged ardently while beckoning those scenes.

Arguably, the atmosphere was
beginning to sweat.

And then Ann's wedding butt took sex.

Artists Television Access
was behind the screening.

All those assholes wanted Beatlejuice to show.

Augusta the Avenue wakens beautifully the soul.

Amherst's talented are
wondering 'bout that shit.

And the Average White Band tasted smooth.


Although the adverb wore britches,
things sucked.

Alienated Tacoma artists were braiding tryptych sinks.

Alexander Thomasino Amberson Wadsworth Bellington traded stocks.

Abbreviated talking allows wondering beyond the
smarts.

All these archaic words better total something.

Visual Sudoku

Numbers, Shnumbers. For those tired of those pedestrian 1 - 9 sudoku's here we have Seemless Universe's first picto-visual sudoku.
Picdoku? Symbodoku? Whatever you want to call - it's fun!
print out and play at home! or not! The picdoku doesn't care. It's just an inanimate e-object. (Are you?)

How Folks Find This Blog

So yeah, there is a section on my statcounter that shows me how some people have come to find my blog. If you go through a search engine they compile all the words or phrases the folks have used to look up information that brought them to your site. here then is a shortlist of some of these over the past month.


seemless universe

wanted on craigslist st. cloud c pap machine

michele bachmann coleman miller

i flunked around

liquid prell

artie miller blog

splank

paragraph with words

wing park elgin, il

idiot lines

practicing abstinence

college diploma blogspot

valse triste bruce connor

writing paragraphs and words

wwzs

splurn

given her eloquent way with words

paragraph about universe

writing paragraphs with certain words

eloquent words fancy

a paragraph about universe

beck radical congruency saturday night live video

male model universe

santa and religion

how to be eloquent

unidentified male 2008

excuses santa clause

box last night

recent resume

as the crow flies sentence

funny random sentences

santa claus (paragraph)

splank coleman

dipnard

temperatures
people





List of Things I Don't Like As Much When They Are in the Teens

47 words for back pain

As in a previous post where i named 82 words for Splank I now have an inner dictionary of terms for back pain,which is now easing up just enough to where i am able to sit and type for more than 2 minutes.
Here then are 47 words or phrases for back pain which i have recently experienced and am now documenting for the good of medical advancement:

skrunch

NYARK!!

firebucket

taking the agony train to nowhere

electric spine twinkle


ouch explosion
panic button
Simmering horizontals
Creeping Fludge urdles
happy go bye byes

Lurching into the next Wow

Paralyzing body announcements howyadoin?
Shuffling stingers WTF!

Bitchslap
Owowow

Excruciating inner thingys

Numbnuts

X-ClamationZ!!

Bending over ever so slowly very slowly very deliberately and slowly did I mention slowly and then WANGO!
Greiving nowness Screamers
HALT! HellNow
Stinging fireballs I – IV

Backsnap
ouchlings

Floorspasm

Surprise!

Backgrip

Dr. Payne and the 5 fingers of shit

exclamation givers

killmenows

not so vague nightmare

Posterior Malfeasance
can’tgetups
can'tgetdowns
malicious tribulation

acid tripDon’t touch me theres excruciating nowness
bubble pop

is there a pill for this?

backnoogy

lower back ouchy

readers,
when i get to a place where my twisted back can handle sitting down at the computer for more than 17 seconds i will be posting more bloggy stuff. until then i've got important things to do...like hobbling around my apartment like a 90 year old.
all cards, flowers and vicodin should be sent to my home address.

Dock Ellis R.I.P.

Dock Ellis the great pitcher with the Pittsburgh Pirates in the 70's has died.
Ellis went 138-119 with a 3.46 ERA from 1968-79. He went 19-9 in 1971 when Pittsburgh won the World Series, and made his only All-Star appearance that summer.
But the one game that he will be remembered for is in 1970 in San Diego. Dock got the news he was pitching the first game in a doubleheader even though he was not originally scheduled to pitch. So what do most people in 1970 do when they have the day off? That's right - they drop acid. And that's exactly what Dock did. Before he got the call.
Now you may be asking yourself - how bad did Dock Ellis pitch that day? Well for one he walked 8 batters. AND he pitched a no hitter. A fucking no hitter ON ACID!!
I'm guessing they won't be putting up a plaque about this in Cooperstown.
But it has to be of some help when your glove is telling you how to pitch to certain guys.
Either way Dock Ellis was a favorite of mine when I was still a little leaguer and had no clue of this story. R.I.P, Dock.

one week ago

today I'm layering myself in sweaters before going outside . .last week was a bit nicer while hanging art in southern california. damn.

Scintillating Film Theory Conversation Going On Over Here

It's good to have good friends you can talk about anything with.
I have a friend (let's call him "Shawn" to protect his identity) and he's learning about all things video. Wants to make short digital pieces and has already made a handful. He's actually been more prolific than yours truly of late but that's for another blog post.
So he's asking me all kinds of questions now since I've made a few. Plus I'm trying to turn him on to the masters. Bruce Conner. Ernie Kovacs. Tarkovsky. To name 3.
The other night he was over and i played him a Tarkovsky film. His films could be described as slow. But Brilliant.
Anyway we watch films and have scintillating conversations while watching.
For instance during this particular Tarkovsky film (The Stalker) "Shawn" got up to use the bathroom. Here then is that dialogue in it's entirety.

Miller: "Do you want me to pause this?"

"Shawn": "No, I'm not riveted to every moment" (Leaves living room and heads down the hall)

Miller: "That's cuz you're a DICK."

So yeah, we like to watch and discuss films. And I think I'm helping. It's important to get your ideas out. And even more important to have friends you can discuss film theory with that understand the rudiments of a healthy dialogue.

Religion!

ahhhhhhh...one of my favorite topics.
Saw this on youtube awhile back and have to say George Carlin is spot on. I couldn't put this any better myself but i will continue to try. In the meantime I'm gonna act all moral and upright and human just because it feels better, not so i can get into heaven.

Seemless Universe Xmas Card

I've been mailing out handmade christmas postcards to friends for about 30 years now. this is about the time of year i need to get my ideas together and get em out. some years i waited a bit too long and then sent out happy new years cards instead. this is probably more my speed anyway. this whole "son of god" thing is really a bit much dontcha think? i mean it's a cute story for sure but do we want to base our lives around it? i think not.
Wait! Was was that sound??!! Oh that must be my mother rolling over in her grave at her son writing this stuff. sorry mom. but you taught me well. Not that my mom was that religious . .(hell we were Methodists!...arguably the most unreligious of the religions..church was a place to kill time on Sunday morning before going to the Pancake House) She was quite an active participant around the church but in looking back I realize now it was all around the social events..not the religious. And the whole god thing didn't follow us back home. Here's the extent of our religion around the house on Augusta Avenue . . .we would say grace before Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter meals. That's it. And a few of those were from my Grandfather on my dad's side saying "Good bread, good meat, good god let's eat".
Anyway i digress...i was meaning to just say if you wanted to receive a Seemless Universe christmas/happy new year/ holiday card in the mail just send me your mailing address to splurn@aol.com, with the subject heading Where's my xmas card at?
if i get too many requests i'll have to put a kibosh on it but by the looks of the statcounter i should be OK. We'll see.
And here's another idea....dunno if this will take or not but here goes....if after sending me your address via my email- if you'd post your (snail mail) mailing address in the comment box you could choose a fellow reader and send them a card! how bout those apples?
this might be a bit much for people to want to give up on the internet but if you have another idea lemme know.
Sheesh...is this half baked or what?
we'll see!
And it looks like i'm leaving friday for L.A. and the southwest for a couple weeks so . . . .well, I'll keep ya posted.

A Way With Words: How To Be All Eloquent

The key to being more eloquenter than you were before is to articulate words in a fancy order that not only makes people think you know stuff but leaves them with a warm and somewhat fuzzy feeling about these things without really knowing why.
Most people aren’t born all eloquent and stuff. Remember – Even people who speak really, really good (Barack Obama, William F. Buckley, Tracy Morgan) did not start out with a headful of beautiful and transitory words at their disposal. They were small babies just like I and you, barely able to discern small differences between a spoon and a heart lung machine. Talking good takes hard work and some other stuff probably. I don’t have all the answers.
But I’m almost pretty sure that way, way back in the past words came first from the mouth and then later someone much smarter than you figured out how to render these words into a visual form of sorts - thus the written language some people still use today! In fact without this thought transformation to the page we wouldn’t have any blogs today. We would have skipped right to vlogs.
Conveying thoughts all eloquent with your mouth can be fun and profitable! I’m not sure where or how but I’ve heard this from people wearing clothes much newer than mine. I’m almost positive you could find out somewhere how to do this.

"Practicing abstinence, bride and groom have never kissed"

Who ARE these people??!!
And more importantly . . .Seemless readers can win a vhs copy of Weird Science if they can guess the date that Claudaniel Fabien (the groom) comes out of the closet. (yeah, you read that right.....Claudaniel Fabien.)
sheesh . .why do i even look at the news anymore? Fuck.
some poor schmuck working as a temp at Walmart got his Christmas Greetings early this year. Thanks America! And keep shopping! You Fat Fucks!

OK OK, I'll try and get back on the Happy Train before i write again...but don't hold your breath.. i may be heading into the dark tunnel of truthiness here for awhile...but maybe not. the future is a vague place for sure. You Never Know.

PS..and why a vhs of Weird Science? that was the first one i saw here in the pile that i didnt mind losing. OK? OK.

alright i'm off tonight to shoot another jazz show at Cafe Maude tonight. C'mon up if you're so inclined. Last nights was pretty damn good - and this from a guy not so into jazz so much kinda.

Today's Scores

PLUS Special Bonus Addendum!

Cubs 7
Dolphins 2

Sally Rogers 4
Travis Bickle 5

The Dead Sea 8
Swan Lake 3

Stuff that’s more perpendicular than you initially thought 5
Tommy John surgery 1

Ceramic protagonists 4
Semi dramatic underwear 3

Praising Allah 1
Waltzing Matildas 5

Tarzan 3
Mongo 8

The Herb Alpert Foundation 5
The Artie Miller Experience 6

your first carnival ride 4
Words that rhyme with Mussolini that aren’t pastas 2

Total Honesty 12
driving in your car alone and listening to songs on the radio that make you cry, whether out of sadness or happiness 8

Blondes 1
Brunettes 7

barbed wire 5
Barb Dwyer 3

Masturbating just for something to do 3
Alfieri, Bindo, Carlo, Ettore, Ernesto and Mario Maserati 2

Late bloomers 9
Early trousers 5

delusional realizations that feel like a frying pan to the face 3
Pickup Sticks 8

Penis envy 5
Testicular cancer 2

Do not pass Go 3
Do not collect $200 1

Nymphomania 6
Lester Holt 2

Where Miller sometimes goes for inspiration while writing “Today’s Scores” 2
Jeopardy! 3

Stormy Monday 8
Ruby Tuesday 5

Going down 11
Getting up 0



So Yeah folks there are your scores for today. Who woulda thought masturbating for something to do would beat some italian brothers who make cars.
and now for the hell of it here are some outtakes from recent and not so recent Todays Scores...ones that didn't make the final cut for whatever reason.

Hillary Swank’s Publicist.
Getting that thing on your back removed. Lining up end to end every toilet you’ve ever used, chronologically.

Sasha Obama
The economic pendulum Moustache wax
The Great Patchouli Workplace Conflict Birthdaygasms How the whole idea of Rosie O’Donnell has affected your life

Pakistanis When push comes to love Vinyl Cut Pro

the odds of hearing a Steeler's Wheel song on the radio that ISN'T "Stuck In The Middle With You".

French clothespins

Traversing the known Protracted inebriations
Head Feeling like the Best of the Fest and leaving like an honorable mention Purple

The Glasgow Menagerie Like kindergarten, only more so Letters of the alphabet that could be described as “curvy”.

Time, but without the numbers

Don Knotts Taking six weeks to pull off a band-aid Levitra takers who had a four hour erection but didn’t call their doctor

3 dead roses, for instance

Four sided triangles

Albanian panhandlers

Howard Roark

The third thingamajig from the right

Lithuanians who play Twister

Listening to Chaka Kahn sing “Sweet Thing” while dancing slow with your wife in a candlelit room.

hey miller

A SeemlessUniverse reader asks: hey Miller who are your influences? and i say theres alot but here's eight for starters. i'm sure I'll think of eight more some night when i haven't written shit for awhile and need to fill some space here and anyway Brian Regan is on Conan in a minute so i'm gonna hit 'publish post' and speaking of i think i'll let you all peak behind the curtain as it were here at Seemlessuniverse...this is what it looks like from here

so there

excuses

OK here i am writing to explain why i haven't been writing of late.
I've got a big grant proposal due early next week I've been putting off for a variety of reasons we don't need to go in to here. But my head is on straight now Readers and I am diving into it. So I will be back at the blog again by late next week with the usual word-antics and whimsical thoughts regarding things and stuff. Trust me.
In the meantime here's a photo of my sis and her friend Maryann Moeller from years gone by.

yours truly
Coleman Miller
Assistant to the Junior Vice President, TeamMiller

A Happy Day!

Getting back on track.







good riddance.